I’ve again been thinking about what is becoming a yearly question – “All I want for Christmas is ____.” (I still have my two front teeth!) 2010 has been a tale of two years, with the first half being one I’d rather forget and the second a road back to a much better place. As seems to often be the case, I’ve not been sure what I want beyond the usual health, good things for my family, and life to be well for my friends.
I went back and read what I wrote last year and discovered that as time passes, some wishes remain constant. Maybe we come back to them again and again so they can sink deeper and deeper roots into our souls. Maybe we just need to reorient our compasses periodically. Maybe there’s no need to analyze it at all. Regardless, below is my post from last year. I found it still means a lot to me, and hopefully it will for you too.
May the peace of this season be with you all!
December 24, 2009
As I write this, there are a couple of hours left on Christmas Eve. I can’t believe the holiday season is drawing to an end. It’s hard to figure out where it all went.
I wrote a while back about my struggle to fill in the sentence, “All I want for Christmas is ______.” I’ve been thinking about it ever since.
I’ve realized how much my thoughts have centered on some shaky belief that if we could just get over one more hurdle or if I could just complete one more thing on my to-do list or if we could just overcome one more challenge then things would be OK. Not surprisingly, as soon as any of those one things happens, it doesn’t feel like enough – it never does – because there’s always something else to worry about to replace it. This isn’t the way to find peace. Hopefully I keep remembering that.
All I’ve been wanting for Christmas this month is the ability to make my peace with where things are – to say that for now what is right here in this moment is enough. That everything I need is right around me. That I don’t need me or the J-Man or Mary or Dale Jr. to be anyone other than who we are.
But really that’s my choice. No one has to – or can – give it to me. It’s a choice I can make every day. Simply having the day off today to hang out with the family, do a few things around the house, and otherwise take it easy and play with the kids has made me realize that all I want for Christmas is already here.
Plenty of days will still be challenging, frustrating, and exhausting. Plenty more will be exciting, joyful, and wondrous. And some of those days will be all of the above. But I hope to keep remembering that every day starts and ends the same way.
I wake up every day the father of the two most wonderful and perfect children anyone could ever hope for and married to my high school sweetheart and soulmate. And I end each day the same way. All I could ever want is right here all around me. And from there, anything is possible.