Here’s what I’ve been doing lately… worrying. I worry a lot, about things big and small. Don’t tell me not to sweat the small stuff – that just makes me worry that I’m doing something I shouldn’t.
I worry about the J-man, and how people will respond to him. His stimming has increased dramatically without the structure of school. It’s still cute when a 3-year-old does it – but the response will be a heckuva lot different when he’s 10.
I worry about how J-man will respond to the new baby. I know that’s normal for all parents expecting a second child, but it feels like a little more of an issue in our case. I mean, there is so much of our time where both Tim and I are with the J-man, and responding to everything he does. That’s going to be VERY different in a few months.
I worry about the new baby, and whether he will also be autistic. No, I obviously don’t consider autism a horrible thing/death sentence, but it DOES make life harder on both the child and the parents. It doesn’t really help that the genetic counselors were wanting to do testing on the J-man to see if he has some sort of recognizable genetic issue that could then be checked in the new baby. We are pretty sure his only genetic issue is having US as parents! Put 2 slightly socially-clumsy people together, and the chances seem to rise for having autism.
I worry that this baby will be a non-sleeper like the J-man was. The J-man finally started sleeping through the night when he was 18 months old. I went back to work full time when he was 7 weeks old… and he was still getting up every 2 hours then. Tim was NOT deemed an acceptable alternate for night-time feedings – the J-man was sort-of OK with the bottles of pumped milk during the day, but if Mama was in the house, then straight from the tap it had to be. I’m older now, and sleep is even more precious to me! There’s also that whole “we have to get the J-man out of the crib before the new baby comes since we will need it” thing going on. I’m scared to try something new since it took SO LONG to get the J-man to go to sleep on his own in the first place!
I worry about the economy and us having a baby now. My job seems pretty secure, but Tim’s will definitely lose some steam when he’s taking care of the new baby full time instead of working. With the J-man, after a while Tim slept maybe 5 hours per night because he would take care of the baby during the day while I was working, then work until midnight or so after I got home and could take over. He did that for a long time, until there was simply a crashing point. I know that’s not really an option now.
So I’m not sure if this new bout of worry is hormonal (thanks pregnancy!) or just the worry of parents everywhere, but it’s what I’ve been doing.
Interestingly enough, I’m not actually worried about labor/delivery. That will probably come later, but I’ve been through it, and survived quite well thanks. PLUS this baby is measuring in the 58th percentile (well, except for the head – thanks Tim!), while the J-man was already measuring in the 95th percentile by this point… so chances are this little one might be smaller! Woot!
Now if we could only come up with a name…